Friday, July 09, 2004
Stay right there!
But do chnge your dial bat-fans! TIOM is moving to a new location, and getting a new name. TIOM has morphed into 'Sunday of my Life', and come and view it now at http://sunday.yarinareth.net
Many thanks again to Dorothea for giving me this webspace, subdomain and WordPress blog of my very own to play aorund with
Many thanks again to Dorothea for giving me this webspace, subdomain and WordPress blog of my very own to play aorund with
Monday, July 05, 2004
So the question of the day is why?
Why indeed. Why, if they have a problem at work with the hours I'm
claiming, concerns about if the hours I claim actually translate into my
work output, if I am, actually, being honest about the whole thing; well why
didn't they ask me earlier? Why give me a weekend of wondering where my pay
was? And really, if they've got a concern with paying me, why not take it
up with me as soon as they recieve my timesheet? It's just stupid really,
it wastes my time and theirs.
I'm writing that at work right now, sitting here at yet another different
desk, becuase I can't seem to keep the one placement for two weeks running,
my eyes burning and feeling muscle-twitchingly tired, wishing I could go and
have some coffe, but knowing I can't because I'm already feeling another
attack creeping over the horizon.
"Boss," say I, "did you recieve my timesheet last week?"
"Yes, we'll have a talk about that."
Oh lovely, more aprehension, just what I need to add to my already shakey
grasp on control. I don't think i should feel this way at work -- I really
don't. Siting here at someone else's desk, with my mouse cursor on top of
the window behind me, ready to tap the touchpad of my laptop and make what
I'm writing here dissapear into the background. Around me people are
laughing and chatting, and I sit here wondering why exactly I came in here
today. I really don't feel up to it, to all of the things they want me to
do. Maybe that's why I'm here. Becuase I know that in my life I'm going to
have to do a lot of things that I don't feel up to doing, so I may as well
get used to it now.
Damn eye -- stop twitching.
The 'talk' between the boss and myself is going to take place at a time of
her choosing, and she keeps walking past my office, back and forth, back and
forth, doing various things. I wonder each time if now is when she's going
to do it, but it isn't, so the suspense and aprehension builds. It's going
to come to a boil sometime soon. I think I need to take a break from all
this, but I really can't.
This will be posted after work, becuase I can't get a hold of a network
cable with which to hook into the network and access the internet. Imagine
that -- me, the network administrator of this business and I can't even get
into the network. It's a lack of support that's killing my credibility in
this job, it really is. I get no support from the people I need it from.
My requests for resources, denied. My requests for tools, ignored. My
questions and concerns about the legality of the software on this network
brushes aside. I'm told it's none of my concern. Well it fuckin' well is
my concern thank you so very much! In the end it's *my* arse on the line
should we be audited! In the end it's me who gets the fine and the jail
time should we be found guilty of software piracy! There's nothing you can
say that will make this go away; you can't subvert the law. The law says
that I'm the one responsible for it and that's that. Maybe that's what
they're counting on -- having a fall-guy for it. Maybe I'm being paranoid.
Maybe a mixture of both? I don't really know, and if I listen to the
message from on high here it's none of my concern.
I spoke just before of destroying credibility, and earlier than that about
concerns with the honesty of my time reporting; and that's part of what's
happening here. They don't seem to think, as far as I can tell, that the
time I'm claiming for the design work I have done for their website is
accurate. Honestly -- who are they to tell me that? They don't know the
first thing about doing this kind of work, so why do they think they're at
all qualified to tell me how much time it should take? For every design
they see, there's 3 or 4 that didn't work out, that didn't fit the company
image, that didn't come up to my standards. For every design there is 50 -
60 minutes of work that goes into planning and designing the designs, if
that makes sense. Then there's the extensive coding I've done for the
backend of the website. The scripted PHP data interpreters, the careful
design of the database. The work on making sure the site is secure and as
carefully controlled as I can make it. And then on top of that there's the
time spent modelling and texturing and animating various things for their
products, so I can put them into a flash animation as vectors and allow them
to have on their website an interactive guide showing how to setup the
various units they have and how to hook them into the three types of TV
available in Australia. Really, though, all that work means nothing without
a front-end for the site, which is what I've spent so much time doing so
many designs for, but they won't choose something. They won't listen when I
tell them I can't move forward any more with that section until they select
what they want from the various designs and allow me to put something
together so I can photoshop it, get it looking good, get it approved and
convert it to HTML and CSS, ready to stick it onto my backend and get
something going here.
I'm doing alot of work for them, but until I have that front end it really
looks like nothing. But they don't seem to understand this, not for a
second. They seem to have some arbitrary figure in their heads that says
"If you claim for this much time, we expect to see this much work."
Well...you are, it just doesn't look like it. To you it looks like page
after page of nonsense code, like page after page of pencil drawn designs,
like file after file of things which don't look like much, but which took
hours to create. I have stored on this laptop, and in my visual diary, and
on my computer at home almost 100 hours of work. But it doesn't look like
it unless you understand it. And to understand it you have to *want* to
understand it. And it seems to me that they don't want to, despite how
carefully I explain things. I could take them step by step through the code
creation process, from initial requirements, to Input/Process/Output through
Algorithms to Variable Lists to the final point of actually making the code,
then debugging, changing, debugging, changing, debugging and hopefully
getting it right. Meanwhile this has taken 20 hours or so, and you really
haven't got anything presentable to show for it.
OK...calm down boy. You're just getting yourself worked up again, and you
know that's not going to be good for you. I haven't had a panic-attack or
even come close to one for a good two weeks now. I'm proud of that, and I
want to keep it going. Today is not going to let me I fear. All this, and
it's only 10:30 AM. Seven and a half hours to go.
And Counting.
12:00 PM
OK, yes...so I am slightly paranoid. We just had 'the talk', and it wasn't
as bad as I thought. THey're still debating whether or not they actually
want me to do the website, which is their decision of course. Doesn't mean
I'll be happy if they choose to have another company do the website after
all the work I've put into it. Meanwhile though, I still am not getting the
support I need out of them in regards to their network. They want it to do
all these things that, yes, one day it may be capable of doing, but only if
I can work it into the network I want it to be. We are, for some bizarre
reason, running Windows XP Home Edition on most of the terminals, and I need
to upgrade them to XP Professional before I can do anything else to the
network of any significant nature. XP Home is, quite frankly, an operating
system made to be used in a home, not a business. Especially not in this
kind of business.
I'd love ot know who chose the operating system here. Meet them, shake them
by the hand, then kill them of course for not taking into consideration any
kind of scope for the network, any kind of basic security concerns and for
not doing it with legitimate software. I can't seem to get it across to the
bosses that we need to change the operating system before the network can go
any further, becuase they see the only operating system that affects the
network as being the one on the server. Perhaps one day I'll convince them
to see things my way. And Perhaps one day several monkies will fly out
of...well, anyway...
Hopefully I'll be able to convince them soon of the several things they need
to be convinced of to improve my quality of work. You never know...it might
happen.
claiming, concerns about if the hours I claim actually translate into my
work output, if I am, actually, being honest about the whole thing; well why
didn't they ask me earlier? Why give me a weekend of wondering where my pay
was? And really, if they've got a concern with paying me, why not take it
up with me as soon as they recieve my timesheet? It's just stupid really,
it wastes my time and theirs.
I'm writing that at work right now, sitting here at yet another different
desk, becuase I can't seem to keep the one placement for two weeks running,
my eyes burning and feeling muscle-twitchingly tired, wishing I could go and
have some coffe, but knowing I can't because I'm already feeling another
attack creeping over the horizon.
"Boss," say I, "did you recieve my timesheet last week?"
"Yes, we'll have a talk about that."
Oh lovely, more aprehension, just what I need to add to my already shakey
grasp on control. I don't think i should feel this way at work -- I really
don't. Siting here at someone else's desk, with my mouse cursor on top of
the window behind me, ready to tap the touchpad of my laptop and make what
I'm writing here dissapear into the background. Around me people are
laughing and chatting, and I sit here wondering why exactly I came in here
today. I really don't feel up to it, to all of the things they want me to
do. Maybe that's why I'm here. Becuase I know that in my life I'm going to
have to do a lot of things that I don't feel up to doing, so I may as well
get used to it now.
Damn eye -- stop twitching.
The 'talk' between the boss and myself is going to take place at a time of
her choosing, and she keeps walking past my office, back and forth, back and
forth, doing various things. I wonder each time if now is when she's going
to do it, but it isn't, so the suspense and aprehension builds. It's going
to come to a boil sometime soon. I think I need to take a break from all
this, but I really can't.
This will be posted after work, becuase I can't get a hold of a network
cable with which to hook into the network and access the internet. Imagine
that -- me, the network administrator of this business and I can't even get
into the network. It's a lack of support that's killing my credibility in
this job, it really is. I get no support from the people I need it from.
My requests for resources, denied. My requests for tools, ignored. My
questions and concerns about the legality of the software on this network
brushes aside. I'm told it's none of my concern. Well it fuckin' well is
my concern thank you so very much! In the end it's *my* arse on the line
should we be audited! In the end it's me who gets the fine and the jail
time should we be found guilty of software piracy! There's nothing you can
say that will make this go away; you can't subvert the law. The law says
that I'm the one responsible for it and that's that. Maybe that's what
they're counting on -- having a fall-guy for it. Maybe I'm being paranoid.
Maybe a mixture of both? I don't really know, and if I listen to the
message from on high here it's none of my concern.
I spoke just before of destroying credibility, and earlier than that about
concerns with the honesty of my time reporting; and that's part of what's
happening here. They don't seem to think, as far as I can tell, that the
time I'm claiming for the design work I have done for their website is
accurate. Honestly -- who are they to tell me that? They don't know the
first thing about doing this kind of work, so why do they think they're at
all qualified to tell me how much time it should take? For every design
they see, there's 3 or 4 that didn't work out, that didn't fit the company
image, that didn't come up to my standards. For every design there is 50 -
60 minutes of work that goes into planning and designing the designs, if
that makes sense. Then there's the extensive coding I've done for the
backend of the website. The scripted PHP data interpreters, the careful
design of the database. The work on making sure the site is secure and as
carefully controlled as I can make it. And then on top of that there's the
time spent modelling and texturing and animating various things for their
products, so I can put them into a flash animation as vectors and allow them
to have on their website an interactive guide showing how to setup the
various units they have and how to hook them into the three types of TV
available in Australia. Really, though, all that work means nothing without
a front-end for the site, which is what I've spent so much time doing so
many designs for, but they won't choose something. They won't listen when I
tell them I can't move forward any more with that section until they select
what they want from the various designs and allow me to put something
together so I can photoshop it, get it looking good, get it approved and
convert it to HTML and CSS, ready to stick it onto my backend and get
something going here.
I'm doing alot of work for them, but until I have that front end it really
looks like nothing. But they don't seem to understand this, not for a
second. They seem to have some arbitrary figure in their heads that says
"If you claim for this much time, we expect to see this much work."
Well...you are, it just doesn't look like it. To you it looks like page
after page of nonsense code, like page after page of pencil drawn designs,
like file after file of things which don't look like much, but which took
hours to create. I have stored on this laptop, and in my visual diary, and
on my computer at home almost 100 hours of work. But it doesn't look like
it unless you understand it. And to understand it you have to *want* to
understand it. And it seems to me that they don't want to, despite how
carefully I explain things. I could take them step by step through the code
creation process, from initial requirements, to Input/Process/Output through
Algorithms to Variable Lists to the final point of actually making the code,
then debugging, changing, debugging, changing, debugging and hopefully
getting it right. Meanwhile this has taken 20 hours or so, and you really
haven't got anything presentable to show for it.
OK...calm down boy. You're just getting yourself worked up again, and you
know that's not going to be good for you. I haven't had a panic-attack or
even come close to one for a good two weeks now. I'm proud of that, and I
want to keep it going. Today is not going to let me I fear. All this, and
it's only 10:30 AM. Seven and a half hours to go.
And Counting.
12:00 PM
OK, yes...so I am slightly paranoid. We just had 'the talk', and it wasn't
as bad as I thought. THey're still debating whether or not they actually
want me to do the website, which is their decision of course. Doesn't mean
I'll be happy if they choose to have another company do the website after
all the work I've put into it. Meanwhile though, I still am not getting the
support I need out of them in regards to their network. They want it to do
all these things that, yes, one day it may be capable of doing, but only if
I can work it into the network I want it to be. We are, for some bizarre
reason, running Windows XP Home Edition on most of the terminals, and I need
to upgrade them to XP Professional before I can do anything else to the
network of any significant nature. XP Home is, quite frankly, an operating
system made to be used in a home, not a business. Especially not in this
kind of business.
I'd love ot know who chose the operating system here. Meet them, shake them
by the hand, then kill them of course for not taking into consideration any
kind of scope for the network, any kind of basic security concerns and for
not doing it with legitimate software. I can't seem to get it across to the
bosses that we need to change the operating system before the network can go
any further, becuase they see the only operating system that affects the
network as being the one on the server. Perhaps one day I'll convince them
to see things my way. And Perhaps one day several monkies will fly out
of...well, anyway...
Hopefully I'll be able to convince them soon of the several things they need
to be convinced of to improve my quality of work. You never know...it might
happen.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Dinner and Dancing, minus the dancing...
I'm currently at the comocile of my good friend Drewboy, about ot partake of a seafood dinner he feels he owes me for helping him study for our Networking exams. God this food smells good. He cooks with alot of garlic, and that's just the way I like it. We're having oven steamed/baked fish, prawns and scallops with rice and a creamy garlic sauce, and my mouth is watering already. Just thought I'd drop a line to let you all know I'm about to have a damn good meal, and boy am I happy about it.
Watch soon for another post about the Dragonhunt, and a comprehensive explanation of the background of my character, Rien.
Watch soon for another post about the Dragonhunt, and a comprehensive explanation of the background of my character, Rien.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
On Clothes and "Cleaning"
So I went clothes shopping today.
Most people can't seem to grasp the concept of just how much I hate this activity. Clothes shopping can be a trial for a lot of people, I'm sure. What to buy? What to buy? So many decisions, so much range. Eh, good luck to them. My problem is exactly the opposite. As I have vouchsafed in times past, I'm not a small guy, and I am working on this, but every time I have to go clothes shopping, it still depresses the hell outta me. There is so little range to be had for people my size. We have the choice of business trousers, old men trousers, t-shirts with non-descript stylings and polar-fleece jumpers. I mean, honestly, do they think bigger guys have no fashion sense? That we're somehow content to wear such non-descript, baggy, raggy clothing that looks like it was regurgitated by a fashion-inept dinosaur.
Of course larger men can get some very fashionable clothes if we want to...we just have to find somewhere that sells them.
Oh yeah, and then we have to be made of money, because you'd better be prepared to pay upwards of $100 for a t-shirt, and an unimaginable amount for a pair of pants. But...that fact aside, the clothes are fashionable -- if you're 40. We're mainly talking suits and shirts and ties...nothing that your average 20 year old would be caught dead wearing in a casual setting. It's a cruel world of fashion for your larger, younger person. And yes, I know the solution of this problem is all up to me as, as I said, I am working on it. But these things take time.
Onto other matters though.
OK, I admit it, I am a bit of a slob sometimes. Cleaning is a chore that comes below everything else in terms of priority. This means that, when I'm working, cleaning is the furthest thing from my mind. And I have a busy work schedule, so naturally I don't do cleaning that often. So, since it didn't look like I was going to do it anytime soon, my father decided he'd clean up around my computer for me. *Sigh*...he has no sense of property unless it's his. And as far as he's concerned, everything in his house is his. Honestly, like it's not my home too.
I came home from clothes shopping today to find the surfaces of my computer desk clean and neat. And completely cleared of the work I'd been doing. Various pieces of it had been scattered to different places in the house. On selves, in drawers and in cupboards. AARRGHHHH!!! Honestly, as if it hadn't taken me long enough OTOH get myself comfortably set up there. It's not like it was even messy, it was just a sketch pad, three pencils, an eraser and a ruler. Oh dear God no! They'll mess everything up! Some things are out on a table! Ahh! The world's going to end. Had a big argument with him about it, trying to get through his thick, stubborn head the fact that "it doesn't belong to you, therefore it's not up to you to decide where it goes and when it should go there." He gave me his usual response, of course.
"This is my home, boy, and I can do what I like here."
Gee...you're home is it? And what am I? A transient guest with no blood relationship to you at all? Ergh...I hate it when he turns all pompous on me, acting as if I'm some errant child who has no concept of right and wrong and so needs to be taught a lesson. I'm 20-fucking-years-old, and something gives me the feeling that he's not going to realise that until I get married or move out or have kids or something. It's the most annoying of his many annoying mannerisms (other include making stupid noises when he burps or sneezes...kind of hard to describe, but believe me they're deliberate) and it's really starting to piss me off. Next item on my list of things to do: think of some way to convince him that I am, in fact, an adult, and not under his control anymore. Outright defiance on a continual basis might be ok. He can't use any of his old threats like cutting me off from the computer or the internet because I now own both of them, so he doesn't have a leg to stand on there. I pay for electricity, gas and water, and I mostly buy my own food, so those options are out for him now too.
I think that may actually work...either that or it'll blow up in my face.
We'll see.
(oh yeah...you may have noticed above, he occasionally seems to forget the name that *he* gave me. My name's 'Adrian'...not 'boy')
Most people can't seem to grasp the concept of just how much I hate this activity. Clothes shopping can be a trial for a lot of people, I'm sure. What to buy? What to buy? So many decisions, so much range. Eh, good luck to them. My problem is exactly the opposite. As I have vouchsafed in times past, I'm not a small guy, and I am working on this, but every time I have to go clothes shopping, it still depresses the hell outta me. There is so little range to be had for people my size. We have the choice of business trousers, old men trousers, t-shirts with non-descript stylings and polar-fleece jumpers. I mean, honestly, do they think bigger guys have no fashion sense? That we're somehow content to wear such non-descript, baggy, raggy clothing that looks like it was regurgitated by a fashion-inept dinosaur.
Of course larger men can get some very fashionable clothes if we want to...we just have to find somewhere that sells them.
Oh yeah, and then we have to be made of money, because you'd better be prepared to pay upwards of $100 for a t-shirt, and an unimaginable amount for a pair of pants. But...that fact aside, the clothes are fashionable -- if you're 40. We're mainly talking suits and shirts and ties...nothing that your average 20 year old would be caught dead wearing in a casual setting. It's a cruel world of fashion for your larger, younger person. And yes, I know the solution of this problem is all up to me as, as I said, I am working on it. But these things take time.
Onto other matters though.
OK, I admit it, I am a bit of a slob sometimes. Cleaning is a chore that comes below everything else in terms of priority. This means that, when I'm working, cleaning is the furthest thing from my mind. And I have a busy work schedule, so naturally I don't do cleaning that often. So, since it didn't look like I was going to do it anytime soon, my father decided he'd clean up around my computer for me. *Sigh*...he has no sense of property unless it's his. And as far as he's concerned, everything in his house is his. Honestly, like it's not my home too.
I came home from clothes shopping today to find the surfaces of my computer desk clean and neat. And completely cleared of the work I'd been doing. Various pieces of it had been scattered to different places in the house. On selves, in drawers and in cupboards. AARRGHHHH!!! Honestly, as if it hadn't taken me long enough OTOH get myself comfortably set up there. It's not like it was even messy, it was just a sketch pad, three pencils, an eraser and a ruler. Oh dear God no! They'll mess everything up! Some things are out on a table! Ahh! The world's going to end. Had a big argument with him about it, trying to get through his thick, stubborn head the fact that "it doesn't belong to you, therefore it's not up to you to decide where it goes and when it should go there." He gave me his usual response, of course.
"This is my home, boy, and I can do what I like here."
Gee...you're home is it? And what am I? A transient guest with no blood relationship to you at all? Ergh...I hate it when he turns all pompous on me, acting as if I'm some errant child who has no concept of right and wrong and so needs to be taught a lesson. I'm 20-fucking-years-old, and something gives me the feeling that he's not going to realise that until I get married or move out or have kids or something. It's the most annoying of his many annoying mannerisms (other include making stupid noises when he burps or sneezes...kind of hard to describe, but believe me they're deliberate) and it's really starting to piss me off. Next item on my list of things to do: think of some way to convince him that I am, in fact, an adult, and not under his control anymore. Outright defiance on a continual basis might be ok. He can't use any of his old threats like cutting me off from the computer or the internet because I now own both of them, so he doesn't have a leg to stand on there. I pay for electricity, gas and water, and I mostly buy my own food, so those options are out for him now too.
I think that may actually work...either that or it'll blow up in my face.
We'll see.
(oh yeah...you may have noticed above, he occasionally seems to forget the name that *he* gave me. My name's 'Adrian'...not 'boy')
Saturday, June 19, 2004
/me is not a happy chappy
Well...ok, maybe I am in a couple of ways
it's the end of the semester, I've finished my exams and all my work and I'm a free soul for the next 30 days. I'm going to take a week off then spend most of my time at work. I'll be earning more money than ever before for three weeks of so, and that can't help but be a good thing. I may finally get my networking tools (I'm buying my labeler this weekend) and things like that.
However, I'm not happy about a couple of things that I learned today. First and slightly less annoying on the list is the fact that it looks like I may have Fuckrag again next semester; not for one class, but for two. Goddamn...not him again...and for two bloody classes. Oh well, I'm doing my damnedest to transfer my enrolment for Multimedia and Web Design to flexibly delivered so I can just get all the work and do it and not have to see him for that subject, and I'll see what I can do about Client Support. Second, and slightly more annoying on the list is the fact that one of the guys in my class that I tutored and took in my study group decided he needed to cheat his way through the exam. That kind of thing really pisses me off, especially when I know that this guy knows the subject. If you feel you can't do it you should at least try your hardest to succeed, not resort to lowly methods of sneaking answers to yourself. Both myself and my teacher have worked damn hard this semester to make sure that everyone knows their stuff, and this kind of things is really galling. It makes me feel like I've wasted my effort, when this person cheats in order to succeed. I wonder if I should continue to bother. I mean, I know I was successful with most of them, but just this one person...*sigh*...ok...calm down. I was successful with all the rest of them, and am I going to let one person ruin that feeling of success?
No...no I'm not.
it's the end of the semester, I've finished my exams and all my work and I'm a free soul for the next 30 days. I'm going to take a week off then spend most of my time at work. I'll be earning more money than ever before for three weeks of so, and that can't help but be a good thing. I may finally get my networking tools (I'm buying my labeler this weekend) and things like that.
However, I'm not happy about a couple of things that I learned today. First and slightly less annoying on the list is the fact that it looks like I may have Fuckrag again next semester; not for one class, but for two. Goddamn...not him again...and for two bloody classes. Oh well, I'm doing my damnedest to transfer my enrolment for Multimedia and Web Design to flexibly delivered so I can just get all the work and do it and not have to see him for that subject, and I'll see what I can do about Client Support. Second, and slightly more annoying on the list is the fact that one of the guys in my class that I tutored and took in my study group decided he needed to cheat his way through the exam. That kind of thing really pisses me off, especially when I know that this guy knows the subject. If you feel you can't do it you should at least try your hardest to succeed, not resort to lowly methods of sneaking answers to yourself. Both myself and my teacher have worked damn hard this semester to make sure that everyone knows their stuff, and this kind of things is really galling. It makes me feel like I've wasted my effort, when this person cheats in order to succeed. I wonder if I should continue to bother. I mean, I know I was successful with most of them, but just this one person...*sigh*...ok...calm down. I was successful with all the rest of them, and am I going to let one person ruin that feeling of success?
No...no I'm not.
